Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
