Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
