You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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