What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
