How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
