Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
