I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
