I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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