No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
