Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she peed on how many people?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
