WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
