Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
