I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
