a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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