Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
