Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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