pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
