He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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