We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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