I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
