its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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