OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
