Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
