I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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