I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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