Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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