I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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