So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
