i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize
