You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
