we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
