he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
