she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Text me some of your sweat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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