Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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