I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
