nut hugger
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
