I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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