dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
