that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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