i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
