Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
