You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
