babies were throwing up all over the place
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So. Much. Porn.
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