i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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