i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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