I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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