Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
