i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
