I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
