If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
