i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
