He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
