What a fucking waste of an outfit
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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