it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
