sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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