I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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