Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
