And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
