What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
