a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
