im drinking this country out of the recession.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
