Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize