i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
