I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How does it feel to date your dad?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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