I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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