i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
