Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
