Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
