Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
