Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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