There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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