One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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