Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
