the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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