i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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